VICTORY!!! This morning, after literally a decade of nonstop training all leading up to this moment, I completed the most challenging run of my life. Another running of the Keys 100, you ask? No. The Keys is a JOKE compared to this. Did I run Badwater or Spartathlon again?? Puh-lease.
I just ran a FIVE MILE RUN on the Ice Planet of Hoth, er, the somewhat chilly streets of Miami. I honestly don’t know how I did it. Relentless Forward Progress, I guess. At the end of my run, the temperature was FIFTY degrees. Yes, you read that right, five-zero degrees. God only knows how cold it was when I started.
To give you an idea of how cold it is down here in Siberia South, I ran by a puddle of water during my run. The water was so still and motionless, I bet it would have been frozen if the temps were only 30 or so degrees lower. Crazy, right? I know. I know.
It is so cold that I put a LONG SLEEVE SHIRT on during my run. Do you know how hard it is to run without being able to freely swing your sleeveless arms and admire your own biceps? Of course you don’t; you are not as tough as me. But take my word for it, it was an unbelievable challenge.
It is so cold that when I got to work, none of the female support staff at my Miami law firm were showing their cleavage.
It is so cold that I ran by local ultrarunner Brad “the Peacock” Lombardi during my run, and he had a shirt on.
At this point, you are probably wondering if you could ever complete such an epic journey. Seriously doubtful. I am a highly-trained runner; I eat nails for breakfast. A professional athlete in my own mind. So just stay home and try and stay warm. Leave it to me to inspire you.
Okay, I have to go; I’m due in court soon (unless Miami-Dade County declares a state of emergency, which is a high probability). Before leaving, though, I would like to thank my two biggest idols, Andrei Nana (who thinks that a DNF in a race is a “mortal sin”) and Jesus Christ. They taught me to have “no excuses” and an undying faith in the mission. I just was not going to “DNF” this run, no matter what.
I’ll let you guys know when the White House visit plans are finalized.